Giving Up Excuses

Today is the first day of Lent, and my FaceBook newsfeed is filled with things people are giving up.  I have given up things for Lent in the past, and know how hard it can be, but that no longer works for me. I do not feel that giving up favorite foods or activities truly shows my love and devotion to God. Last year I committed to building a deeper spiritual relationship with God during Lent. It went well, for the most part, but I definitely could have done better.

This year I am making a commitment to myself, to be healthier physically and spiritually. So, for Lent I am giving up excuses. I am giving up all the excuses I have for not being in better shape physically, which means recommitting to my healthy journey, for the umptiseventh time. 😉

A woman in one of my walking groups posted this today:

“Today starts Lent so instead of giving something up I’m going to be more dedicated to clean eating and more intensity in my work outs. Weight loss would be good too but that’s not my focus for the next 40 days.”

I was inspired by her post and asked if I could join her. This group is always extremely supportive, but it is nice to know that for the next 40 days, I will have a partner to be accountable to. I am not sure what I weigh, because I have been avoiding the scale, but I will weigh myself (and do measurements) in the morning, just to have a gauge for my progress. Part of this commitment will be to walk at least one mile with Leslie Sansone each of the 40 days.

I am also giving up the excuses I have been using to not complete my Fourth Step Inventory. Thus far, I have completed 9 of the 26 sections in the Blueprint For Progress. I am making a commitment to myself, to finish the remaining 17 sections by the end of Lent. Some topics are harder than others, but I am confident I can do this. Thankfully, I have some wonderful family-of-choice in Al-Anon to help me, should I falter with this journey to become more spiritually healthy.

One Day At A Time, I am going to use this Lenten season to become a better, healthier me. At the end of Lent, I pray that I will be closer to being the person God knows I can be. ❤

This stands outside the door to the place where we have our Al-Anon Roundups every year. It is a source of comfort and strength for me.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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What A Week

Last week Anne had her first experience with vomiting. She is almost four years old, and this was the first time she had vomited. Needles to say, she was terrified! She awoke late Tuesday, early Wednesday, with a very bad belly that was expelling all it had.

She was fine most of the day Wednesday, but would not eat more than a handful of cereal. As soon as evening hit, she was back to vomiting. Thursday she slept on/off all day, and was lethargic at best. Friday, she was no better, so we went to see our pediatrician. Since she had not been running a fever, and was drinking small amounts, she was not dehydrated; however, he gave her until Saturday to stop vomiting (no matter how sporadically) and start eating, or go to the hospital.

Friday night she only vomited 3 times, and I was filled with hope that we were over the worst of it. Saturday morning came, she was barely responsive and vomited twice. Off to the Emergency Room we went.

The staff at the ER complimented our efforts at home, and said it eliminated a lot of the preliminaries, and allowed them to jump right into treatment. This being Anne’s first hospital visit she was understandably frightened, and MAD at us. The only thing she would say was: “I want to go home.” Given that during this illness she had stopped speaking, even her angry words were music to my ears.  Unfortunately, the efforts in the ER were not enough for her to come home, and she was admitted.

We spent four days at the hospital, where she endured many procedures and tests. At the end of the four days, she was feeling MUCH better and was able to come home; however they never did discover the cause. Our official diagnosis was Viral Gastroenteritis, which (for us) basically meant complications from a stomach virus and dehydration.

It was one of the longest weeks I have experienced in recent years, but the four days at the hospital were made easier by their AMAZING staff. In a world where we often only hear the bad things, I have to say that the staff at Hope Children’s Hospital is EXCEPTIONAL.  ❤ They did everything in the power, to help Anne get better, while trying to make her happy as well. Their Child Life Specialists were great with Anne, and were sometimes the only ones to get a smile. They went above and beyond to make sure I was comfortable, and assist in managing my stress. Our night nurse even washed my clothes, when I ended up covered in urine for the second time that day.

Although, we never want our children to need a hospital, I am thankful that we have such a wonderful one to go to when it is necessary.

Anne is home now, and we are all getting back to our version of “normal.” I am overjoyed to have both my girls under one roof again, even if they started bickering after the first hour. 😉 The typical Sister Dynamic is in full swing, but it wonderful to hear, after a week of us being apart.

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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Three Year Anniversary

Today marks my three anniversary in Al-Anon. ❤

Three years ago, on this date, I re-committed to myself and my recovery. I have worked the first three steps of the program, as well as anyone can. Personally, I find that those steps almost need to be done daily. I have been on Step Four for two years now. The first year I would pick up the Blueprint For Success, thumb through it and put it back down. Finally in the Spring of 2014, I got a sponsor. The woman, is someone I admired greatly and always enjoyed speaking with. She knew that I may never ask, so one day, she hugged me and said: “You have a sponsor now.” I am blessed to call her a friend, and to have someone so wonderful helping me navigate my recovery. She is the one who gave me the courage to start writing in my book.

This is not how it is supposed to work, I should have asked her to be my sponsor; however, years ago I had a temporary sponsor, and when I stopped working my program, I stopped calling her. She did not push or hound me, but let me slip away, because we all know you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. My temporary sponsor was an extraordinary woman, whom was a wonderful friend. When I came back to the program, I knew I should get a sponsor, but I was afraid to ask anyone, because I still carried the guilt that I must have disappointed my other friend so much. Thankfully, God always has a way of getting us on the right path.

I went to Al-Anon looking for a way to prevent my girls from walking in my foot-steps. I went to Al-Anon to break the cycle of generations of Alcoholics and Adult Children of Alcoholics. I went to Al-Anon for my family; what I found was myself. The only way I can help my girls be healthier than I was, is to be healthy now. The only way I can attempt to steer them clear of the chaos, is to find (and maintain) my own serenity. I thank my Higher Power, whom I call God, every day for leading me to such an amazing fellowship, because without my Al-Anon family, I would not be the person I am today.

To celebrate my three year anniversary, I am working on my Fourth Step Inventory this evening.  As I work through each section, I realize how far I have come in the past three years; however, I also see the long road that I still need to travel. One Day At A Time, I am getting healthier and becoming a better me. One Day At A Time, by practicing Progress NOT Perfection, I am judging less and loving myself more. It is a beautiful thing to be able to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see (most days).

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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Should Have Known

We had a really ROUGH day on Friday. Aside from Occupational Therapy for Anne, we ended up scrapping the entire school day. I suppose you could say we took an emergency institute day. 😉

Friday evening, as I listened to Beth struggling to breath normally, our rough day started to make sense. Whenever Beth is sick, she is “off” and VERY meltdown prone; because her sensory system is trying to deal with the illness, and it makes her self-regulation much more difficult. Excessive meltdowns are typically our first sign of illness, and always send me into high alert. My current cause of terror is the respiratory virus hitting the midwest.

At 5 years old, Beth has spent more time in the hospital than I have in my 38 years. Thankfully, I have learned to notice the signs and can usually catch the illnesses before we get to the hospital stage, but I am always preparing for our next trip to the ER. We are blessed to have found a good combination of supplements, which typically help her immune system stay strong. We have not had an illness related hospitalization in almost two years (knock on wood), and I pray that we can keep it that way.

Yesterday when she woke up, she told me her throat did not feel good. She kept clearing her throat and I could tell it was really bothering her. A few hours later, my throat felt like it was on fire and it hurt to swallow. Beth appears to have a much higher pain tolerance than I do, but if she was feeling half as horrible as I was, then I knew ibuprofen was not going to be enough. So off to Walmart I went to get us both some cold medicine.

Last night, I introduced her to my mom’s secret weapon for sore throats. I rubbed her neck in with vapor-rub and wrapped one of Henry’s socks around her neck before bed. I am close to 40yrs old, and still wear one my Dad’s socks with vicks every time I have a sore throat. We are both feeling much better today, but our socks are hanging in the bathroom waiting to be used again this evening.

Anne is also congested today, so I will be trying the magic sock with her. Hopefully she will think that “matching magic socks” are as cool as Beth thinks they are. Although, in all honesty, I doubt she will let me put it on and/or wear it for long.

While it is possible for all of us to have picked up a virus in our travels; I am hoping that since Beth and I seem to have recovered quickly, it is simply allergies and we will be healthy for all our outings this week. My girls LOVE to be out and about socializing with everyone; but I will not bring them out if they are ill, because we firmly believe in keeping our germs to ourselves. I suppose we will just have to see what tomorrow brings, and take it One Day At A Time.

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

 

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Brief Intermission

I have been on a journey to get healthy since February 2013, when I was at my heaviest weight (aside from pregnancy). I weighed 293 pounds, and knew I had to do something to become healthier, and be the mom my children deserved.

Last summer, I developed tendonitis in my shoulder, and my rotator cuff hurt with any movement. The pain, and physical therapy were the excuse I used to stop exercising. Soon after I began stress eating, and my journey hit a roadblock.

In January 2014, weighing 269 pounds, I recommitted to my healthy journey, because I was tired of being in pain and exhausted all the time. Up until a few weeks ago, I was very conscientious of my food choices, using MyFitnessPal to track everything that went into my system. I was also working out for 30 -70 minutes a day, five days a week, doing both cardio and strength training. I was down to 226 pounds, which was 21 pounds from my third goal, and half-way to my fifth (and final) weight loss goal.

Last week, I was back up to 230 pounds, due to my lack of workouts and overindulgence in comfort foods. Aside from weighing-in weekly, I also do monthly measurements. As of July 28,2014 I had lost a total of 32.5 inches (neck, arms, mid-section, waist, hips and thighs). Every month I do my measurements and take photos for my journal. Tomorrow is measurement/picture day, but I am considering skipping it this month, to reduce some of my self-abuse, which I know will come when I see the numbers have gone up.

I can tell by the way clothes are fitting, that some inches have come back, with the few pounds I have found again. The pain in my back and knees make me aware that this exercise hiatus has done some real damage, and set me back physically. I am considering this very stressful month a brief intermission, and will be starting the third act of my journey on September 2nd. I lost focus, made excuses, and could not find my motivation to get back on track; however, as I sit here bonding with my heating pad, because my back is locking up and I am in horrible pain, God has helped me find my motivation again.

On September 2nd, our first day of homeschool, I will begin teaching my girls about the importance of physical fitness. The best way for me to teach them, is to show them, and have them join me. Fortunately they love Leslie Sansone’s Walk Away The Pounds dvds, and like to exercise with mommy. So every day we will have our exercise time; then I will also be working out with my weights in the morning or evening, when they are fast asleep. Time to start showing my girls how much happier mommy is when she eats right and exercises. Our brief intermission will be coming to an end shortly.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

 

 

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