Giving Up Excuses

Today is the first day of Lent, and my FaceBook newsfeed is filled with things people are giving up.  I have given up things for Lent in the past, and know how hard it can be, but that no longer works for me. I do not feel that giving up favorite foods or activities truly shows my love and devotion to God. Last year I committed to building a deeper spiritual relationship with God during Lent. It went well, for the most part, but I definitely could have done better.

This year I am making a commitment to myself, to be healthier physically and spiritually. So, for Lent I am giving up excuses. I am giving up all the excuses I have for not being in better shape physically, which means recommitting to my healthy journey, for the umptiseventh time. 😉

A woman in one of my walking groups posted this today:

“Today starts Lent so instead of giving something up I’m going to be more dedicated to clean eating and more intensity in my work outs. Weight loss would be good too but that’s not my focus for the next 40 days.”

I was inspired by her post and asked if I could join her. This group is always extremely supportive, but it is nice to know that for the next 40 days, I will have a partner to be accountable to. I am not sure what I weigh, because I have been avoiding the scale, but I will weigh myself (and do measurements) in the morning, just to have a gauge for my progress. Part of this commitment will be to walk at least one mile with Leslie Sansone each of the 40 days.

I am also giving up the excuses I have been using to not complete my Fourth Step Inventory. Thus far, I have completed 9 of the 26 sections in the Blueprint For Progress. I am making a commitment to myself, to finish the remaining 17 sections by the end of Lent. Some topics are harder than others, but I am confident I can do this. Thankfully, I have some wonderful family-of-choice in Al-Anon to help me, should I falter with this journey to become more spiritually healthy.

One Day At A Time, I am going to use this Lenten season to become a better, healthier me. At the end of Lent, I pray that I will be closer to being the person God knows I can be. ❤

This stands outside the door to the place where we have our Al-Anon Roundups every year. It is a source of comfort and strength for me.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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Sad, Not Mad

The girls learned (or more accurately relearned) a tough lesson today. They learned that Mommy follows through on her promises.

I have been very disturbed by the recent lack of respect, and diminishing kindness, with which they treat each other. The root of almost all of their issues are toys, books, dress-up clothes, etc.. The fact that my children cannot treat each other with respect and kindness because of material things, is extremely upsetting to me.

They have also started to speak to me with words and tones that are unacceptable. To be honest, they are often using the words or tone I previously used with them, and that is a BIG problem.  Often times my reaction is based on my expectations, not their actions. As we say in program: “Expectations are predetermined resentments.” Regardless of the situation, it is NEVER okay for me to talk to them without respect, and I know I have been remiss in this area; hence their new-found level of disrespect.

I sat them down the other day, and explained that yelling makes me sad. That I do NOT want to be a Mommy who has to yell, in order for them to listen, and behave with respect. I reminded them that we homeschool, so they are not bullied, but treated with kindness. I told them that since they are always fighting over objects, that any object they cannot share, will go in the garbage. I further explained that any object that seemed to be the root of any disrespect, or lack of kindness, would also go in the garbage. I reminded them that we must always use RESPECT and KINDNESS with our words, hands and actions.

Today, while down in the laundry room, I heard the screams and crying up here. I came up to find Anne sobbing and Beth very upset. I ordered them both to the table, where they had to put their heads down until they calmed down. Once they calmed down, I asked what happened, and why they were fighting instead of cleaning the room. The answer was basically that they were fighting over toys; Anne was teasing Beth, and she put her hands on Anne. They remained at the table (crying and screaming), while I “cleaned” their room.

I threw out almost a full garbage bag of items from the bins in their room. I chose things they no longer played with, things that were not working right, etc… I did not throw away any of their favorite items, but the point was made. After I went outside and put the bag in the dumpster, I came upstairs and cried with them. I now FULLY understand all those times my father told me he was sad (or disappointed) and not mad.

Although the rest of the day went very well, we rehashed the incident MANY times. Anne wanted me to promise not to throw out anymore dresses. Beth wanted to talk about the kids who don’t have food or toys. I explained to Anne that I could not promise her anything in regards to the dresses, because whether they stayed or went, was up to her and her sister. I explained to Beth that there are many children that can only dream of having what they have. I told her that countless children go to bed hungry and have no toys to play with. I told her that she and her sister need to start being more grateful for what they have, and acting the way God knows they can.

I felt horrible most of the day, in all honesty I still feel bad. THIS is not the mom I want to be either. I want to be a mom who inspires her children to act with respect and kindness, because they are following my example. I find that I am repeating patterns, which I had thought I was breaking. As I work my Fourth Step, I see deeper inside myself, and KNOW that I can do better (MUCH better).

Tomorrow is a new day, and although today was FAR from perfection, there was a bit of progress, and that is how the girls and I will continue to grow into the women God knows we can be.

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

Serenity Spectrum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Three Year Anniversary

Today marks my three anniversary in Al-Anon. ❤

Three years ago, on this date, I re-committed to myself and my recovery. I have worked the first three steps of the program, as well as anyone can. Personally, I find that those steps almost need to be done daily. I have been on Step Four for two years now. The first year I would pick up the Blueprint For Success, thumb through it and put it back down. Finally in the Spring of 2014, I got a sponsor. The woman, is someone I admired greatly and always enjoyed speaking with. She knew that I may never ask, so one day, she hugged me and said: “You have a sponsor now.” I am blessed to call her a friend, and to have someone so wonderful helping me navigate my recovery. She is the one who gave me the courage to start writing in my book.

This is not how it is supposed to work, I should have asked her to be my sponsor; however, years ago I had a temporary sponsor, and when I stopped working my program, I stopped calling her. She did not push or hound me, but let me slip away, because we all know you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. My temporary sponsor was an extraordinary woman, whom was a wonderful friend. When I came back to the program, I knew I should get a sponsor, but I was afraid to ask anyone, because I still carried the guilt that I must have disappointed my other friend so much. Thankfully, God always has a way of getting us on the right path.

I went to Al-Anon looking for a way to prevent my girls from walking in my foot-steps. I went to Al-Anon to break the cycle of generations of Alcoholics and Adult Children of Alcoholics. I went to Al-Anon for my family; what I found was myself. The only way I can help my girls be healthier than I was, is to be healthy now. The only way I can attempt to steer them clear of the chaos, is to find (and maintain) my own serenity. I thank my Higher Power, whom I call God, every day for leading me to such an amazing fellowship, because without my Al-Anon family, I would not be the person I am today.

To celebrate my three year anniversary, I am working on my Fourth Step Inventory this evening.  As I work through each section, I realize how far I have come in the past three years; however, I also see the long road that I still need to travel. One Day At A Time, I am getting healthier and becoming a better me. One Day At A Time, by practicing Progress NOT Perfection, I am judging less and loving myself more. It is a beautiful thing to be able to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see (most days).

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

Serenity Spectrum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.