Know when to push through, and when to rest…

Hello friends, I miss writing and interacting with all of you. I wish I could be on here more, but between health struggles and working crazy hours, I don’t get on the computer too much, and I detest typing on my kindle. Here is some insight into my days…

Today is one of the bad days. I have been struggling all week, but just kept pushing through. Now, today my body says: “No More!”

Is it my thyroid? Is it my depression? Is it my insomnia?  Is it just my sinuses acting up, which is causing this horrible headache and exhaustion? Maybe it is a combination, or none of them at all. I never really know. I just use my natural remedies, paired with medicine, and hope for the best. Unfortunately, it has been over two hours since I took the last of my “please make me feel better” pills, and yet I feel no better.

My children are disappointed, because we will not make our co-op gathering today. I am angry and sad, because at 40 years old, I should be able to function on a daily basis, without all this pain and grogginess.

It feels like I have been sick forever, but in reality my symptoms only got to this level in the past year. They have been especially bad the past 6 months, since I started working overnights. Beth has declared that when I am better, she wants to use all her dollars to take us out to celebrate mom being healthy again. While, this is beyond sweet, it also tells me how much my illness affects my babies.

Tomorrow it is back to work. I will have 3 twelve hours shifts, walking 20 miles each night, only getting 4 – 6 hours of sleep in between shifts (if I am lucky). I will have to push through those days, because my job supplies our insurance and helps pay the bills. So, today I will rest as much as possible. The laundry I didn’t get done yesterday, because I used too much of my energy on cooking and cleaning, will have to be done at some point, but it will be done slowly. It will be a light school day, and we will play a lot of games, while I sit.

At some point, I pray that I will be more functional, but for now, we will make the best of a bad situation. We take it one day at a time in this family, and some days it is one hour at a time. Today may even be a one minute at a time day.

Thank you for listening, I hope to see you soon. Love and peace friends.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

Creative Commons LicenseSerenity Spectrum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Advertisements

Giving Up Excuses

Today is the first day of Lent, and my FaceBook newsfeed is filled with things people are giving up.  I have given up things for Lent in the past, and know how hard it can be, but that no longer works for me. I do not feel that giving up favorite foods or activities truly shows my love and devotion to God. Last year I committed to building a deeper spiritual relationship with God during Lent. It went well, for the most part, but I definitely could have done better.

This year I am making a commitment to myself, to be healthier physically and spiritually. So, for Lent I am giving up excuses. I am giving up all the excuses I have for not being in better shape physically, which means recommitting to my healthy journey, for the umptiseventh time. 😉

A woman in one of my walking groups posted this today:

“Today starts Lent so instead of giving something up I’m going to be more dedicated to clean eating and more intensity in my work outs. Weight loss would be good too but that’s not my focus for the next 40 days.”

I was inspired by her post and asked if I could join her. This group is always extremely supportive, but it is nice to know that for the next 40 days, I will have a partner to be accountable to. I am not sure what I weigh, because I have been avoiding the scale, but I will weigh myself (and do measurements) in the morning, just to have a gauge for my progress. Part of this commitment will be to walk at least one mile with Leslie Sansone each of the 40 days.

I am also giving up the excuses I have been using to not complete my Fourth Step Inventory. Thus far, I have completed 9 of the 26 sections in the Blueprint For Progress. I am making a commitment to myself, to finish the remaining 17 sections by the end of Lent. Some topics are harder than others, but I am confident I can do this. Thankfully, I have some wonderful family-of-choice in Al-Anon to help me, should I falter with this journey to become more spiritually healthy.

One Day At A Time, I am going to use this Lenten season to become a better, healthier me. At the end of Lent, I pray that I will be closer to being the person God knows I can be. ❤

This stands outside the door to the place where we have our Al-Anon Roundups every year. It is a source of comfort and strength for me.

This stands outside the door to the place where we have our Al-Anon Roundups every year. It is a source of comfort and strength for me.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

Creative Commons License
Serenity Spectrum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Small Victory

A good friend of mine is having surgery this evening. She should have gone in by 2pm, but she did not get in until around 6pm. They were told the surgery should take between 3 and 4 hours. We are now at 5 hours and counting. I am a nervous wreck, and cannot tear myself away from the computer waiting for news.

Unfortunately, today was the day; the day I recommitted to my Healthy Journey, and said enough backsliding. I have gained back 6lbs since August 11th and am having GI issues again. I am noticing my lack of mobility with the girls, and that is not acceptable to me, or them.

It is a rough day to be getting back on track, but I made a commitment to myself. So, instead of drowning my stress in chocolate ice-cream, which is exactly what I would have done yesterday, I worked them out with Leslie Sansone.

Now back to praying, and waiting…

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

Creative Commons License
Serenity Spectrum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

 

Fourth Day

On our last day of the first week, my children reminded me, that any given moment the day can take a turn, for better or worse.

The morning was rough, but we finally made it out of the house around noon, to shop for Daddy’s birthday. After an unsuccessful trip to Target, Anne asked for a Donald’s visit to slide. I hoped that some play-time at the golden arches would make the next store visit a little more enjoyable. I was wrong!

Anne climbed to the top (something she has done countless times before), where she had a meltdown because she was scared. I asked Beth to help her, and she climbed up there, only to have Anne refuse her help. This caused Beth to meltdown as well, because she cannot handle the crying, but would not leave her sister. I was patient, I was patient, and then I was a jerk. 😦 Eventually she came down (with Beth’s help) and sobbed in my arms. She was tired, and sad that I couldn’t come up and get her. I was angry at myself for being too big to climb up and get her, as she cried for me to do just that. It was a painful reminder, of how far I still have to go on my healthy journey. I was also embarrassed for being a jerk, when my kid was struggling. As I work my program, I have less self-hatred, but when it does rear it’s ugly head, it makes me act like a jerk, and I hate myself even more.

Needless to say after the McDonald’s disaster, we came straight home, and no more shopping was done. While Anne napped, Beth watched a Veggie Tales movie to relax. Then we did our meditation, played some Monkey Wordschool on her kindle, and did laundry.

When Anne got up from her nap, we officially started our school day. First up was art, which today was making daddy’s cards. Following art, we had story-time, then exercised. Since we needed some fun, instead of walking our mile with Leslie, today we danced to TobyMac, while playing follow the leader. After 20 minutes of dancing back-n-forth through the apartment doing all kinds of crazy moves, we were ready to sit down and do some worksheets.

The girls did really well with their worksheets, and did one coloring sheet for our bible study, before finishing with a yoga adventure.  Our school time ended at almost 8pm. It was late, but the girls were in a great mood and ended the day on a good note.

It was not our best day, but it also wasn’t our worst. I apologized to my children for my poor behavior, and they gave me the love I needed (and couldn’t give myself today). One Day At A Time, I become the person God intended me to be; thankfully I have Al-Anon and my two amazing kids to help me find my way.

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

 

Creative Commons License
Serenity Spectrum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Brief Intermission

I have been on a journey to get healthy since February 2013, when I was at my heaviest weight (aside from pregnancy). I weighed 293 pounds, and knew I had to do something to become healthier, and be the mom my children deserved.

Last summer, I developed tendonitis in my shoulder, and my rotator cuff hurt with any movement. The pain, and physical therapy were the excuse I used to stop exercising. Soon after I began stress eating, and my journey hit a roadblock.

In January 2014, weighing 269 pounds, I recommitted to my healthy journey, because I was tired of being in pain and exhausted all the time. Up until a few weeks ago, I was very conscientious of my food choices, using MyFitnessPal to track everything that went into my system. I was also working out for 30 -70 minutes a day, five days a week, doing both cardio and strength training. I was down to 226 pounds, which was 21 pounds from my third goal, and half-way to my fifth (and final) weight loss goal.

Last week, I was back up to 230 pounds, due to my lack of workouts and overindulgence in comfort foods. Aside from weighing-in weekly, I also do monthly measurements. As of July 28,2014 I had lost a total of 32.5 inches (neck, arms, mid-section, waist, hips and thighs). Every month I do my measurements and take photos for my journal. Tomorrow is measurement/picture day, but I am considering skipping it this month, to reduce some of my self-abuse, which I know will come when I see the numbers have gone up.

I can tell by the way clothes are fitting, that some inches have come back, with the few pounds I have found again. The pain in my back and knees make me aware that this exercise hiatus has done some real damage, and set me back physically. I am considering this very stressful month a brief intermission, and will be starting the third act of my journey on September 2nd. I lost focus, made excuses, and could not find my motivation to get back on track; however, as I sit here bonding with my heating pad, because my back is locking up and I am in horrible pain, God has helped me find my motivation again.

On September 2nd, our first day of homeschool, I will begin teaching my girls about the importance of physical fitness. The best way for me to teach them, is to show them, and have them join me. Fortunately they love Leslie Sansone’s Walk Away The Pounds dvds, and like to exercise with mommy. So every day we will have our exercise time; then I will also be working out with my weights in the morning or evening, when they are fast asleep. Time to start showing my girls how much happier mommy is when she eats right and exercises. Our brief intermission will be coming to an end shortly.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

 

 

Creative Commons License
Serenity Spectrum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.