A Prayer For Our Country

Today is a sobering day, and it truly shows the vast diversity in our country. I have friends celebrating, and I have friends grieving. These friends (on both sides) are honest, hardworking people; who love their country. Their elation, or despair, stems from their beliefs on how to achieve the best possible future for the families they love so fiercely.

 

I am fearful for what the future holds, but the fear I have would be present regardless of which candidate won last night. Our country is in dark times, and they will most likely get darker before we find the light, but it is there. Now is not the time to attack loved ones for their beliefs; now is the time to LOVE everyone and be the people God knows we can be. Together we can find, and be, the light our country so desperately needs. Let us walk in FAITH, and not cower in fear.

 

As I said last night….

For those of you who voted… Should your candidate win, I pray the next four years are as wonderful as you hope; should your candidate lose, I pray the next four years are not as horrible as your fear. Regardless of who wins, I pray for our country to show Love, Respect and Kindness for ALL.  ❤

Mother’s Day 2016

Good morning, and Happy Mother’s Day.

Holidays and parties are HARD for our family. We need to prepare by doing a lot of resting prior, and then we must prepare for the inevitable meltdowns and struggles that will follow. Beth and Anne can usually “hold it together” while we are there, because they truly WANT to be there. The problem is that it is too much for their systems, especially Beth. The one thing our loved ones will never understand is the “happy meltdown.” The “happy meltdown” is the fallout as Beth’s system tries to process all the excitement and happy she experienced at the gathering.

After many PAINFUL holidays this past year, we are doing things differently. It is upsetting to people that want to see the girls at parties, but I cannot please everyone and my girls’ mental health cones first. So today, I will spend the morning with my amazing daughters, then this afternoon I will go visit with my family (mom, gram, aunt, etc…) to celebrate Mother’s Day. Our decision was not popular, but I must admit that once it was made, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders.

Today is Mother’s Day, and EVERY Mother should celebrate in a way that puts a happy in HER heart. We should not celebrate in ways that only make others happy. We must put ourselves first sometimes, and today is the perfect day to do that.  Remember Different is just different; it is not better or worse, and you need not justify your choices to anyone. May your day be filled with laughter and love; may it also be meltdown free and relaxing.

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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The Bully Behind The Bully

I took my children, and two girls I babysit, to the library the other day. While I was standing at the desk helping Beth and the older girl check out their items, I heard a woman hissing/yelling a few feet away. I turned around to see this woman scolding her child. I personally cannot imagine any child doing something worthy of such ugly words.

Almost immediately following the interaction, the child singled out Anne and the younger girl. She first approached the girl I babysit and got very close to her face saying something. I could not hear the words, but I saw the mean expression on her face, and the combative body language. Thankfully, I was close and the little one just side-stepped her to get closer to Anne. Anne was sitting at a computer playing a game, and the girl approached her in the same confrontational manner, while towering over her.

I simply said: “Is there a problem?” The girl stood up and looked at me with surprise. She then proceeded to tell me she was sitting at that computer. I said: “Well, when she sat down at the computer no one was around, so she did not know someone was using it.” She started to repeat what she had already said, while inching even closer to Anne and getting loud. I cut her off and said: “There is no reason for you to be in her personal space like that, it is very rude. We are leaving anyway, so you can have the computer.” I then looked at the girls and said: “Let’s finishing checking out, so we can go home and have our snacks.”

I turned around to find the child’s mother watching everything transpire. The girl did not even want the computer; as soon as Anne got up, she went back by her mother and got her coat on. As they were walking out, I could tell by the mother’s tone that she was not happy, and my heart truly went out to the child.

I can honestly say, had I not seen the incident between mother and daughter, I would have assumed the girl was just another bully, picking on children smaller than her. In all honesty, that is exactly what happened, but I saw the reason for the attack, which most times we (the public) miss. That poor girl had been verbally abused by her mother, and had no tools to process the feelings that came along with that incident, so she did what she knew, and that was find someone else to abuse. It is a sad cycle that is perpetuated through the disrespectful treatment children receive at home, in school, socially, etc…

If we truly want a better world for our children, then we must treat them with respect and kindness. We must show them how to be good people, not just discipline the things we think they do wrong. We must always presume competence in our children, and not assume they have bad intentions. We need to look at what is the root cause of a behavior. If we take the time to help them with whatever they are struggling with, instead of punishing and humiliating them to make a point, we will provide them with amazing tools for the journey in life.

As hard as it can be to do, we must try to approach these situations with quiet kindness, instead of deafening judgement. We don’t know the circumstances, and we don’t always see the bully behind the bully. Sadly, most of these kids are acting out their experiences, and further mistreatment will only perpetuate the cycle more.

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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World Autism Day 2016 ~ I Can’t. She Can. I Think I’ll Let Her.

In Al-Anon the first three steps (from the 12 steps) are the foundation of our program. We tend to shorten those steps to: “I can’t. He can. I think I’ll let Him.” The actual steps read as:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I look at it like this… I am powerless over people, places and things. My Higher Power, whom I call God, will help them on their path, just as He is always with me on my journey. The only person I have control over is myself, and I must use that control to always conduct myself like the woman God knows I can be.

Today as I prepare for another April, where I inevitably spend most of my time cringing at many of the posts, I am seeing the world through my program eyes. I understand that I cannot control what other people believe, or what they choose to share. I accept that we are all just trying to do the best we can for our families, and we don’t have to agree to treat each other with respect and kindness. I am praying for Autistics everywhere to know that their value is not tied to the opinions of others, but is rooted in themselves. I am praying for a better world, where everyone treats each other with Love and Respect, while celebrating and embracing diversity.

My “Three Steps” for treating my daughter with the respect she deserves:

1. I Can’t…

I can’t live life for Beth, because I can never fully understand what occurs in her beautiful mind/body from day to day. I must always respect her boundaries and space, because I do not experience the world in the same way she does. My job as her parent is to support her in any way possible, but I should NEVER try to control her.  I can’t think for her, and therefore should not speak for her either.

2. She Can…

She can, and does, live a pretty awesome life. As she learns to navigate this overwhelming world, she tries to share her experiences with us. She can tell (or show) us what she feels, and how certain things affect her. All we need to do is “listen” with our ears, eyes and most importantly our hearts. She can speak for herself, and reminds us of that when we forget.

3. I Think I’ll Let Her…

I think I’ll let her live life on her terms. She is constantly helping us see the world in a different way. She helps us, and people who meet her, see the struggles and blessings of Autism. She has an amazing voice, which she uses to spread love and light everywhere she ventures. By letting her share her message, how she chooses, we are changing the world for the better, one person at a time.

Today is World Autism Day; this month is Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month. By the end of April, you will see a LOT of information shared in various forms. You may find yourself with more questions than answers. If you have questions about Autism, the best place to go is an Autistic person. As a parent, I cannot express the level of my gratitude for the Autistic Adults, who are willing to share their journey in order to help the next generation. There are many wonderful pages/sites that can address your questions, and help you see Autism for what it is… A neurological difference; It is NOT less, neither is it more, it is simply a different way of processing the world.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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#SeeAmazing is actually AMAZING

I have been digging into the Sesame Street #‎seeamazing‬ initiative the past few days. I must admit, I was extremely nervous about #‎SesameStreetandAutism‬, because Autism Speaks was involved (I detest the way they present Autism as a tragedy). I went into my research praying that there would be limited negativity, and was pleasantly surprised to find it all VERY positive.

I think I have gone through everything on the site, and now Beth is going through it all. She absolutely LOVES the We’re Amazing 1, 2, 3! book and has read it several times. She also really enjoys watching all the video stories of different children with Autism. With each one, she happily flaps away singing: “Look Mommy, they’re autistic like me!”

It is wonderful to see one of my favorite childhood shows, now becoming a favorite of my girls. I cannot thank Sesame Street enough for including differently-abled children in their show. Over the years, I have seen (and loved) many differently-abled individuals on the show. I cannot even express how much I LOVE Julia, the first autistic Sesame Street character. Hopefully this is the first step among many to help our children (and the autistic adults in the world) be treated with the Respect and Kindness they deserve.

I leave you with The Amazing Song, it has become a household favorite. ❤

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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14 Years later…

I am sitting here on September 13th, it is not an exceptional day, and there are no “We Remember” memes for today. My heart has been heavy since last week, and today I am finally working through the reasons why. Fourteen years ago, on September 11th, the unthinkable happened in our country. We were attacked on our soil, and thousands died.  It was horrific day, and I will never forget that day, and the weeks that followed.

I remember staying at work, because I didn’t want to be alone; then driving blindly to my parent’s home, and sitting for hours crying while watching the coverage on TV. I remember being terrified for my coworkers in the Sears Tower, and thankful that I only had to work out of that office occasionally. I remember my counterpart from that office calling me in tears, after they did an evacuation drill, and she realized that with just 1 person from each office in the stairwells, she could not make it out of the Sears Tower (from the 35th floor) if it fell in the same time as the Twin Towers. I remember our Sears Tower office being a ghost town for months, as everyone came and worked from our “safe” suburban office.

I also remember a country that came together in the face of tragedy. I remember people putting aside their differences to stand as one nation. I remember people acting with love, respect, kindness, and compassion for their fellow humans. The devastating acts that were meant to destroy our nation, seemed to only make us stronger. I was proud to be an American.

The list of lives lost on 9/11/01, which was published in the Chicago Sun Times

14 years later… People share the memes around September 11th declaring that they will never forget, but their actions show the world that they have already forgotten. Our country is slowing killing itself. While we still fear terrorism, it is the wars being waged on our own soil that should scare us the most. People are killing each other over race, religion, sexual orientation, ability, etc… Our nation no longer stands together in love, it is divided with hate.

Our country was founded in diversity, it was founded on a belief that ALL men were equal, and free to believe as they chose. After 9/11, people in positions of power used our fear to slowly change our country under the guise of protecting us. Now we live in a country where being different can get you killed. Our society (as a whole) has no tolerance for people with different beliefs. As I fight to teach my children to love and respect EVERYONE, the world around them shows them that if you are different, you must fear for your life. It is WRONG on so many levels! I am no longer proud to be an American, because I live in fear of the world my children are growing up in.

I do not post often these days, because I tend to stay offline. Everyday I log on to social media I see hate, disrespect, cruelty and judgement. It hurts my heart, and lately I cannot bare to see such negativity spewed. I will continue to teach my children that God created us all differently for a reason, because he LOVES diversity. I will continue to teach them to treat EVERYONE with respect and kindness. All while praying, that American people come to their senses before we completely destroy our country. You do not have to agree with your neighbor’s beliefs to treat them with respect and kindness. Just as they do not have to approve of your way of life, to treat you with love and compassion. If the Lord wanted everyone to be the same, and think the same, He would not have created us so differently and given us free-will. PLEASE stop trying to force others to live by your beliefs, and start embracing diversity. ❤

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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Befriending Myself

I was recently talking to someone about who I am now, versus who I was prior to Al-Anon. The truth is, had I met myself back then, I would not have wanted to be my friend. After three years of being committed to my Al-Anon journey, and working the program the way it is meant to be worked, I actually like myself most days.

The problem is there are still a lot of days, when I don’t like myself. There are still far too many days when I cannot be a good friend to myself. How will I ever teach my girls to treat themselves with Respect and Kindness, if I cannot do it for myself? The sad answer is: I won’t. In order to break the cycle, and help them be good friends to themselves, I must start treating myself better, NOW.

My greatest dream for Beth and Anne is for them to LOVE themselves in every way. I pray for them to have self-worth; to be proud of all that they are and have confidence in all that they do. Basically, I pray for them to grow-up feeling the opposite of how I did.

As I work my program, I am slowly beginning to love myself, as completely and unconditionally as I love my children. One day, I will be proud of all that I am, because I will be the person God knows I can be. Some day, I will have confidence in all that I do, because my actions will be based in the serenity of recovery.

I am not perfect, but as long as I am making progress, I am healing. As long as I am healing, I have the opportunity to be the kind of mommy my girls deserve. Personally, I can think of no better friend to have, than the woman they already think I am.  So I am befriending myself, and giving us all a brighter future. ❤

Background image is property of Lindsey Schultz. It is used by Serenity Spectrum with her permission.
Text Reads: “I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend.” ~ Anonymous

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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Spread The Word To End The Word 2015

Today is THE day. It is the annual Spread The Word To End The Word day of awareness and action. PLEASE visit www.r-word.org and take the pledge to end the use of the R-word.

I have never liked the word “retard” or any variation of it. When I was in seventh grade, I was blessed to start volunteering in the Special Needs classrooms in my middle school. In high-school, I spent a lot of time in the nurse’s office learning about anger management, and in detention, because when I heard that word I usually punched the person. When people used that word they were talking about people that I loved and considered friends, and YES in my day they were talking about the students in the LD, ED and BD classrooms.

Fast-forward 25 years and people use the word about EVERYTHING they don’t like, consider stupid, think is less than, etc… Some people when you explain why the word is upsetting will apologize and stop using it. Others defend their right to use it, because they aren’t talking about anyone specific and it’s “just a word.” I have people in my own family that feel this way. The first thing I ask them is how would they feel if someone called Beth the R-word. Well, no surprise that is different, and they would be angry. Well, there is NO DIFFERENCE between using that awful, disrespectful word flippantly or directed at a specific person. It is the same word, and spreads the same horrible perception that anyone (or anything) described by that word is less than. It is INSULTING and HURTFUL to people with special needs, as well as their families.

I have lost friends, and no longer speak to certain family members, because they refused to stop using that word. It makes me sad that people cannot see the damage they do with “just words.” Every year so many young people take their own lives due to “just words” they could not handle hearing anymore.  I am raising my girls to stand proud in the face of ignorance. I am teaching them that “just words” have a VERY strong impact on people. I am teaching them to talk to (and about) everyone with Respect and Kindness. As I tell my children EVERY day, if it would make you sad, then don’t say/do it to (or about) others.

PLEASE go now and take the Pledge to End the Word. Then share with your friends and family.

There are two posts that I read this morning, that are phenomenal, and really describe why people need to STOP using the R-word (and all it’s variations), MUCH better than I can. Please take the time to read these two posts:

So, what do you say when someone uses the word “retard”?

End The Word

***Addition of Another post, because I LOVE it and it can be so useful to provide people with alternative, more respectful words.***

225 Substitutes for the R-Word

FB Cover created by http://www.r-word.org

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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The C Word

While I respect everyone’s right to their own opinion, when you talk/write about any Autistic individual, especially my daughter, there are two words that will awaken indignation in me. The C word is by far the worst; if you tell me about a cure for Autism, I cannot be held accountable for my actions. If you mention recovery from Autism, I probably won’t be much more rational.

In recent weeks, I have had complete strangers contact me about how to cure Autism, so I can help my daughter. I have also had friends, some of which have Autistic children, discuss similar topics. I thank God that I have been in Al-Anon for so many years, because the pre-Al-Anon me would not have been able to ignore (or politely respond to) such offensive contact.

I try VERY hard to be a positive example for my children. I try to lead by example and show them that we should treat everyone with respect, kindness and love. Unfortunately, I am human and when you say something so upsetting and outrageous, I sometimes forget to work my program. I think I need to print this up, and simply start handing them out to people who use these and other offensive terms:

Autism is an integral part of Beth, it is interwoven into every fiber of her being. Beth is exactly the person God intended her to be, there is NOTHING about her that needs to be cured or recovered! She is a whole person, who is amazing! Yes she struggles some days, but don’t we all? Her struggles are unique to her body’s neurology, but those struggles do not make her any less of a person. When people talk about Autistic people like there is something wrong with them, they are talking about my daughter and countless others like her, who add immeasurable magic to our world. It is INSULTING when so many special people are disrespected, and viewed in such a negative manner. EVERY person deserves to be treated with respect and kindness! Stop judging people who are different, embrace diversity, and love them for the extraordinary people they are. 

PLEASE THINK before you speak; try to imagine how you would feel if someone wanted to change you, or your loved ones. How would you feel if someone told you that you, or your child, needed to be cured or recovered? If you would be offended, like we are, then PLEASE don’t say it. Instead of spreading damaging stereotypes, PLEASE take the time to get to know an Autistic person. I promise it will change your life for the better, because there is a certain magic than can only be seen through their beautiful minds.

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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Hard Lesson

Today my baby learned a hard lesson. She learned that the world is filled with dishonest people. At the age of 6, she learned that people will steal from others, simply because they can. She learned this, because it happened to her today.

We went grocery shopping, and she brought her friend Bessie (aka her purse). She still had birthday money left, and she takes it everywhere in case she wants to buy something (usually for sister or daddy), or donate a dollar or two. She cannot open her purse fast enough, when she sees people collecting for a cause.

Toward the end of our shopping trip, she dropped Bessie. When we realized it was gone we went in search of it. A woman we had seen several times throughout the store saw Beth sobbing and yelling; she asked what was wrong. I told her that she dropped her purse. She said I just saw her bear over by the chicken, which was where I thought she left it, but it was not there.

We walked around the store for 45 minutes hoping to find it elsewhere. We asked almost everyone we encountered if they had seen it. I left my number with the service desk, in case someone turned it in. We did all this with my daughter in a full-blown meltdown, refusing to leave the store without her purse. It was heartbreaking! When we finally left the store, we were both in tears.

Beth is persevating on this, and we talked a LOT about it. I told her that perhaps God thought the person who found it needed it more than we did. She finally started saying she wanted to share her purse/money so the people could buy food, clothes, underwear, socks or toys. Although she tried to sound happy about it, I could tell how sad she still was. Henry even went back to the store to check the garbage cans, but it was not there. Beth had $25 in her purse, and he suspected whoever took it, pocketed the cash and never gave a second thought to the cute unicorn purse.

Thankfully a friend of mine found the purse on ebay and bought it for Beth. I am overwhelmed with her kindness, and cannot thank her enough. I told Beth what this woman had done, and she told me that my friend got her a new Bessie, so she would not be sad. I told her that was exactly right, and that we were blessed to have such wonderful people in our life. She is still sad, and will be for some time, but she is also VERY excited to meet her new friend.

Today was horrible, but even on the bad days, I am reminded of how truly blessed we are. Today Beth learned a hard lesson, one that I do not think a 6yr old should have to learn, but it what it is. She is an amazing child, and this is just one more building block toward the adult she will become.  I cannot wait to see this extraordinary young lady change the world.

 

Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥

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