I should be sleeping, but my brain will not shut off, so hopefully getting this out will help.
Today was not a horrible day, but we did have some rough patches. Around dinner time, it was as if someone had flipped a switch, and my entire disposition changed. I wish I knew what happened, so I could prevent it from occurring again; however, I am human, and sadly, I am sure this was not the last time.
I was crabby and on edge. Nothing I did made it better. Of course, that seemed to be the exact time the girls (or more specifically Anne) decided it was time to test me. Sometimes I wonder if they can feel me struggling and are struggling too as a result of my energy. I know they feed off my energy, and today I gave them a huge heaping of negativity.
The last few hours of the day seemed like an eternity. I had to yell and threaten loss of items, to get any chores accomplished. I went as far as setting the timer, and informing Anne that whatever was left on her floor when that bell rang, was going in the garbage. She knows I have hit my limit when the timer comes out, because she learned the hard way that I will throw stuff out.
Before bed Anne came to me with her magna-doodle, and told me she had drawn a picture of me. She climbed in my lap and showed me this. I put our conversation on there, so I will always remember my yelling face. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I asked her if I could take a picture, so mommy could remember what I look like when I yell. She said: “Yep!” Then she erased it, made some check marks, and a happy face. She hugged me and said: “Dere mom, now you happy.”
Anne and I seem to be butting heads more than usual lately. Although there are times she exasperates me, I can always count on her to tell it like it is. I swear my great-grandmother is whispering in her ear, because my little girl is a mini version of her. Gram always did keep me in line, perhaps that is Anne’s gift too.
Tomorrow I will do better. If for some reason I don’t, then I will apologize (like I did today) and make sure that my girls know how much I ALWAYS love them.
Have a blessed day everyone, and don’t forget to smile. ♥
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